HELP! The "Perfect Monster" is loose! It got out of the mental closet that I keep it in yesterday when I was at Walmart buying school supplies. I picked out the perfect combination of crayons, markers, colored pencils, erasers, and sharpeners for each child. I just had to have the large white board so that I could write out the memory verse for the week along with the weeks schedule. I NEEDED the extra book of school activities for Nathan, because he had to have something to be working on while Graham was doing his school work. After coming home my mood was so altered by my hunt for perfection that I was cranky with my little ones. After bed time I lay awake planning, thinking, turning the possibilities over and over. What should I do with Jessica? I need to work on her speech. I should make flashcards with pictures of objects and actions on them so we can run through her pronunciation every day. I should add sign language to each word, so that she is able to express herself when she is having a hard time with the verbal pronunciation of things. I should make up reward charts for their chores and for the little ones potty schedule. I should do... I should try.... I should make...
Is it any wonder that upon waking this morning I could not focus on the Lord in my quiet time with him. It's no surprise that as I saw the neighborhood children walking out their doors to their first day of school, something inside me began to hyperventilate at the thought of the responsibility ahead of me. When the perfect monster is running loose in my head, I can not hear the still small voice of the Lord reminding me that it is by HIS grace alone that I will train my children up in the way they should go. No books or combination of art supplies is going to teach my children to rely on their Lord and savior, "to supply all their needs according to his riches in glory." The only way they will learn to press on in spite of stress and frustration and seek their father in heaven's face, is if I live that way in front of them. To listen to the "perfect monster' in my head is to show them by my actions that only "Perfect" will do. I don't want that for them. I want them to learn balance in life. I want them to know that when you give it your best and rely on the Lord in your weakness you can be proud of your efforts. Our BEST is but filthy rags to him...it is only by HIS work in our lives that good can be done. The hunt for perfection is simply the worship of the idol of self. For if I can achieve perfection than what need do I have for Jesus.
So here I am, having just read some more in the Psalms, venting my insecurities on my blog, and listening to worship music. I am trapping the "Perfect Monster" and locking him away by God's grace. I am going to take my children out to the park now and spend some time WITH them, before returning to school prep. Thank you Lord for reminding me that this homeschooling thing is NOT about the books (new and perfect though they are) or the supplies (blessing though they are) It is about my children...precious souls, created in the image of God, entrusted to me. By God's Grace I will teach them this year. The books and supplies are great and a blessing, but without my Lord, it will all amount to NOTHING. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Off I go...No monster in tow. Just my babies and my Lord. It's gonna be a good day!
My dear while you try to trap the perfection monster try laying it down at the foot of the cross :) Just leave it there :) For in your weakness He is strong. This week school starts and by the end of the week the school buses will be running. Next week college classes start for Mike. My homeschool kits are ready for each kid (almost) I just need to add some things to each one. A friend told me that the way a family she knows does school is with backpacks. Each childs work is stored in a backpack, down to the toddler, they start school by getting out thier bags and end school by putting it all away. I have made a kit for Mary with writing stuff, and letter blocks, and other little things she can manipulate at the table while I work with the other kids. I wont start till after labor day weekend, but that is fast approaching. So as you battle the perfectionist monster know that I am lifting you up in prayer and joining in the battle. My house has been "clean" for almost two days. Now just to get things together for School for the kids and get a routing established, not a schedule ruled by the clock a routine ruled by meeting the needs of the family and nurturing and educating my children.
ReplyDeleteLove you and all of your perfectionist flaws :)