Perfection vs. Obedience

So being a perfectionist is one of my greatest flaws. You would think that perfectionism would drive a person to success and quality in every aspect of life. Unfortunately this is not the case in my life. My perfectionism takes areas where others would do their best and be satisfied, and warps them into situations where I promptly give up if I feel things are not going perfectly. The idea being... better to perfectly not do it at all than to only do a mediocre job. As you can see, the drive for perfection in this momma's life has me more often "perfectly" not trying at all, for fear of mediocrity, or "perfectly" giving up, least a non perfect effort mar my perfect record. Perfect perfect perfect...what on earth gave me the idea that I could be perfect anyway!

So, on that note, my heavenly father gave me a challenge. He has led me to take on homeschooling my 3rd grader and my 2 preschoolers this year. GULP! Let me clarify, I... unscheduled, fly by the seat of my pants, never finish anything, IMPERFECT, Leah...will be attempting to give 3 of my children a well rounded, schedule oriented, education while my 4th child runs laps around us and hangs on my neck. All this while my husband, closest friend and partner in parenting is on an extended business trip. to put it mildly, I AM TERRIFIED! There is no way to do this perfectly. My only hope of success is to daily submit myself to my heavenly father and beg for his grace to complete each day to the best of my ability's...and then to be satisfied with that.

I know for a fact that it was the Lord who led me to this task, because homeschooling is NEVER something I would have chosen myself. The risk of performing at a less than perfect level is something I have always avoided for myself. I would never have chosen to risk, less than perfect for my children! But here I am, imperfect and flawed, facing a monumental task at the leading of the Lord. I know that he will use this time in my life to mold and shape me. He will take my greatest flaw and use it for his glory. I pray that I may be a willing vessel for his work, not only in my own life, but in the lives of these 4 precious souls that he has entrusted to my care.

So there you have it. this year will truly be a perfectionist's adventures in chaos. I hope you enjoy the ride with me. My first task as I prepare for our first day of school in 4 weeks is to purchase books and books of gold star and "Good Job" stickers, so I can liberally apply them to my calender and sometimes my forehead as encouragement to continue on despite the lack of "perfection"! Please pray for me and enjoy my adventure .